I am MAD!

All my life, it seems, I have had issues with food and everything surrounding eating.  I was always bigger than the rest of my family and friends.  Once, my sister was at a slumber party and overheard my friends talking about me.  They were asking why I ate so much all of the time.  She in turn told my mom.  My mom, of course, told me.  She then told me that that statement alone should bother me.  Of course it bothered me.  I didn't fit in, literally.  Fast forward a few years, my family was out to dinner one night.  They told all of us (my sisters and I) that for New Year's we should all get healthy, as a family.  As it turns out, I was the one that was that they wanted to "get healthy".  I was put on every diet imaginable.  The fen fen diet, the no carb diet... I could go on.  I am making out my parents to be heartless.  They aren't. They were simply worried that I was becoming obese.  I think that they didn't know what to make of me because I was different.  I didn't look like them AT ALL, I still don't.  Fast Forward a few more years and now I am all grown up!  I still have issues with being a bigger gal, but I don't let them really bother me.  I decided to live my life the best that I can and to eat what I wanted!  I love food!  Love it.  The smells, the tastes.  There are so many types of food.  Now with this diagnoses, ALL my old fears and thoughts have come up again.  I am mad!  Mad as hell!  I can't eat what I want.  For so many years, I have been eating what I want.  Now, it feels like my parents are telling me what I can and can't eat again.  Ok, so It isn't my parents, this time it is the doc, but it feels the same.  It makes me SO mad!

I am not over the mad yet.  I haven't really let myself feel the mad yet.  I know it will pass, but for now, I am going to be mad for a bit.